Well hello everyone, look who's back ...

(beware, it'll be a long looong one)

Don't look for a title, I've decided there wouldn't be anymore. It's been a hassle to find one for each & every post, for the last ten years. It also felt like I've been writing a book with chapters etc, which I've not. It also kind of takes to "surprise" factor off the blog post. Anyway, no more scratching my head to find a catchy title.

I've had the time to reflect about how I've been feeling these last weeks. I managed to find the right word, though.

Lassitude. Though it was not that much in the physical area, but in the mental one, yup. I found myself being bored with myself (more than once), not knowing what to do. I've been having (what I call now) the Blog Blues. After blogging for a decade, it proved to be tricky to find something to say, or to show or to share. Most everytime, I fear I'm going to bore you all to death. When I have nature photos to share, I feel I actually have some content, but I can't get out in nature as often as I want. I'll gladly share recipes & homemaking tips, but I don't want to turn this blog into a Martha-esque one. (because I'm not Martha, didn't you know ?)

I know I've used the word "boring" more than once in my lastest posts, mostly because I was sincerely thinking I was getting repetitive, annoying & boring to everyone. I've thought more than once to stop blogging. I've said more than once that I should blog less. The balance's been really tough for me. Of course, OF COURSE, this is not a REAL problem, and I'm really REALLY aware of that. Maybe I've been taking myself too seriously (I've been told), or maybe my supersized ego is the problem (I've been told too) ... truth is I had been lacking real inspiration & motivation for really interesting blog posts recently, which I'm sure you had already realized by yourselves.

I've decided that I would NOT stop blogging, would NOT stop using Flickr nor Instagram nor FB, but I've considered stopping Twitter. I will most probably stop using it personally & it will only be blog and shop related, and nothing more. I'm way too chatty for 140 characters only anyway ! Blogging means devotion (as well as keeping an online presence), time & energy spent doing it. In the blink of an eye you appear online, and in just as quick a blink of an eye you can totally disappear, without anyone (or almost) noticing. Who knows how long I will be blogging/be online ... and what about you all ? I don't own a cristal ball, neither do you. No one can say what future will bring, for you, for me, for anyone. So for me the moment, I'm here, I'll stick around, to your own delight ... or despair !

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I've been feeling the heaviness of next month coming up. It doesn't haunt me everyday, at all times, but by moments it really makes me very anxious & very sad. My mom's now used to her "new" life, but of course nothing can replace my father for her. (and it saddens me so deeply, for her) Thankfully, next month will also bring happy disctractions, such as the 1st anniversary of Gary being with us, and a trip up north (so to speak, but yep literally !) that has become a family tradition & that we look forward to, in the middle of autumn.

Life's been such a mess for a year now, there have been so many (material or not) changes, we have been obliged to re-think so many things, to optimize space, to do things with a specific deadline ... I want the coming months to be ours without any contraint. I want us all to have a cozy autumn, then a cozy winter, then a cozy spring & then a cozy summer. Repeat. You get the idea.

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I got the Creative Block as well. Too few activity in the shop got me discouraged, I honestly admitt. Even if I'm not making & selling my wares for a living, it actually is encouraging when someone decides to pay the price for something I've made. And when no one does, well, it is discouraging (at least for me), and makes me wonder about the time, money & energy I've spent doing it all. Everything  takes time, money & energy, from finding the right textile material, to picking the natural material, dyeing with it, taking photos, and all the rest. Nothing gets done by magic, may I be an amateur or would I be a professional. And even though I'm not doing it all for a living, it doesn't mean I shall sell it for cheap or that my "work" worths less than any other. I've underestimated myself & what I do for a long time, and now is the time for this to stop.

I do not dye from extracts. I dye either from fresh plants collected by myself/hubby, or with kitchen "waste" (avocado skins or onion peels for instance). I have not invented natural dyeing, I have not magically found plants noone had never used for dyeing ... or a new technique. If there's a way of doing things, I've chosen the slow way. That's my choice for sure. That's my creative process. I want to dye materials naturally & mindfully, and to use these dyed materials in my sewing and embroidering. Or at least that's my goal for what will be coming next. Because I can feel some kind of renewal coming up. It's been two years I've been respecting my commitment of not buying any fabrics for my creations (except natural or white linen for dyeing, if I needed any), and I've salvaged so many pieces of textiles (from various origins) ... therefore, along with creations made with naturally dyed fibers, there will also be creations made with fabrics I've been having in my stash ! An ecletic mix of things should be born the next few months, HOPEFULLY.

It's been a real dilemna for me to choose what to make. I really want to have my personal touch, but not the one I used to have (in case I really had a personal touch, that is), I have evolved along the years, and I want my "touch" to show it has evolved too. But everything's already been done, like for art, and it's more & more difficult to innovate. And here is the dilemna for me. What's the point of making something anyone can find everywhere else, ugh ?! If the naturally dyed scarves in my shop don't sell, I'll simply stop making them, it's that simple. The naturally dyed scarves market is most probably already saturated, I don't know ...

So, I've been scratching my head, and scratching my head some more, I tell ya. There might be holes in there by now, after so much scratching. (ok that's gross, sorry) I don't want to take myself too seriously, but I want to have given a long & deep thought about what I want to make before actually starting making things. (omg, that's too much thinking, or is it simply being mindful, respectful & conscientious ??!)

I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone, I'm just being honest with myself & with everyone. I'm so done with these long, introspective blog posts, and I bet you are too, AREN'T YOU eh ?!

Hell yeah I needed to add a photo of Gary to make this post more bearable !

It's so good to be back. I missed you.

xoxo

S